We Choose Each Other and Find No Other Lover
by Brown Eyes Parker
Summary: He turns a tear-stained face towards Maya and her heart shatters. Before he could react to her, she was kneeling down beside him and holding him as he fell apart all over again on her shoulder. Character death. Rated strong "T".


**We Choose Each Other and We Find No Other Lover**

 **A Josh & Maya Story**

 **By Brown Eyes Parker**

 **Rated: T (for strong adult themes).**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Author's Note: This is the first surprise for October. The title for this story comes from** _ **The Rules For Lovers**_ **by Richard Walters but there was something about** _ **Fly**_ **by Maddie & Tae that inspired this idea that I've had for a while to grow into this.**

 **.**

At Riley's request, Maya goes and finds Josh after Alan dies. The rest of the family was busy packing to go to Philadelphia. Maya's good with Josh, she'll be able to find him and make sure he joins the family sober and unharmed.

She looks all over for him, finally checking his dorm room when his usual haunts turn out to be dead ends. He's sitting on the floor, with his knees tucked to his chest, his face is buried in his hands and he is looking like a little lost boy next to an empty suitcase.

He turns a tear-stained face towards Maya and her heart shatters. Before he could react to her, she was kneeling down beside him and holding him as he fell apart all over again on her shoulder.

"He was just with us yesterday," Josh whispers. "We played Frisbee in the park!"

"I know, I know," Maya soothes, fighting back a wave of her own tears as she musters all the strength she can for Josh's sake.

He cries the last of his tears and Maya puts him to bed, letting him sleep while she packs his bag for him. When she is done, she goes back to her own dorm to gather a few of her own things. There is no way she can let Josh be by himself at a time like this. . . there is no way she can let Riley be alone right now. The family patriarch is gone and it is going to be hard on all of them.

She was back by Josh's side before he wakes up. She watches him sleep, tracing the tear tracks on his cheeks, running her fingers through his thick dark hair. She wants to crawl inside him and take away his pain. He is not used to heartache, it's is a foreign concept to him. He wasn't even torn up when his girlfriend of 80 days broke up with him for her professor.

Maya is used to the pain, she was made for it. She wants to take away his pain but she knows that, for the most part, this is something he's going to have to work through for himself. But she'll be _damned_ if she lets him face it all by himself.

 **.**

It's like Josh forgets how to live. When he wakes up the next day, he just stares at the ceiling for the long times. Maya gives him the space he needs, answering texts from Topanga and Riley, telling them that she'll let them know when she has train tickets.

Then she gently reminds Josh to brush his teeth and to wash his face. It is the only words they exchange for the whole morning. When they get to the train station, he relies on her to make the transaction, to figure out their leaving. He doesn't even tell her not to come with him, to not miss school because of him, he follows her around like a puppy dog. Like he is afraid that he'll lose her time.

It is the first time Maya has somebody depend on her for _everything_. She's too busy to realize how scared she it makes her feel and when the thought _does_ cross her mind, she doesn't think about it.

The train ride feels like it lasts for a day when in reality its only 1 hour and 48 minutes and Maya silently pleads that Josh will tell her stories about his father or cry or maybe make a scene. But he stares straight ahead, not moving except to take her hand when the train starts to move.

She laces their fingers together and squeezes.

 **.**

When they get to Philadelphia, she hails a taxi and loads their luggage into the trunk. Josh looks at her, an apology in his eyes that he isn't more helpful. She forgives him just this once by smiling at him.

"It's okay," she assures him, squeezing his hand again and letting him slide into the cab first.

When they get to the Matthews home, there is a round of endless hugs.

"Thank you for bringing him home," Amy whispers, holding her for what feels like forever.

 **.**

They're in a sea of endless black. Josh and Maya are separated by two rows of pews. He's sitting with his family. She is sitting next to Lucas who came up to support Riley. Josh keeps stealing glances at her like he's afraid that she's disappeared somewhere between _How Great Thou_ _Art_ and the eulogy.

She wants to squeeze in between Amy and Eric and wrap herself around Josh to assure him that she's still there. That she's not going anywhere.

Maya tugs on the hem of her short black skirt then clenches her fists instead. Lucas senses her agitation and places a calming hand on her arm. She relaxes a little bit but in reality, she is wishing it were just her and Josh in the whole entire world. Without grief or a care to their names.

They'll have to wait until later to run away, to escape from the world around them.

 **.**

The reception seems to go on forever. Josh disappears and Maya follows him. She finds him in his childhood room, lying on his bed, boring holes with his eyes into his poster of Mumford & Sons.

"Josh?" Maya whispers tentatively, inching into his room and closing the door behind her.

"I feel so numb," Josh tells her huskily.

Maya so desperately wants to fix it for him. She sits on the edge of his bed and leans over him, framing his face between her hands, her hair falling him his face. She kisses him and he sits up and kisses her back, desperately grasping at her, trembling under his embrace. The world seems to slow down as she pulls off his tie and gently eases his shirt from his shoulders while he unzips her dress.

She presses her hand against the left side of his chest before replacing it with her lips. They are a tangle of naked body parts. She doesn't know where he ends or where she begins, she is almost certain that their story will have a very unhappy ending but she doesn't really care right now, she only wants to make him feel better.

So, with two dozen guests underneath them, they make love in his twin bed.

She wakes up with Josh's face buried in her neck, its dark outside and Auggie is at the door, banging on it and asking them if they are in there. They rush around, getting dressed and running their fingers through their mussed up hair.

Josh is finishing zipping up Maya's dress when Auggie burst into the room, eyeing them suspiciously.

"We fell asleep!" Maya explains hastily.

Auggie seems to accept this and tells them that they're going to get Macaroni Grill for dinner because Amy can't stand to stay in the house for another second because she's going to go crazy from grief if she does.

At the restaurant, Josh stands a little closer to her than before while they wait to be seated, when he buries his face in her hair, Maya hopes his family won't notice that there's been a shift in their relationship.

 **.**

The day of the funeral isn't the last time they sleep together. She loses track of how many times he shows up at her door. There are no strings attached but neither of them are seeing anyone else either so it's like they're exclusive even though they don't have dinner or go to movies before they spend a night together.

The friends with benefits thing works for them even though Maya knows in the back of her mind that he is using her to fill an empty space in his life. They don't belong to each other, they will not have a happily ever after like Riley and Lucas will . But for an hour or two every other night, he _is_ her's.

She comes to the conclusion it is better than not having him at all.

 **.**

"This is becoming unhealthy," Maya tells him one night after he comes to her, they are both lying on their backs and staring at the glow in the dark stars a previous student had forgotten to take down.

"Each time I swear to myself that _this_ will be the last time," Josh answers. "But something always comes up. . . today it was my mom calling to tell me that she's selling the house. I don't know Maya, when I'm with you, I feel safe and whole."

"Can't you feel safe and whole with me without _this_?" Maya whispers. "Without the _sex_?"

Josh turns on his side even though they won't be able to see each other in the dark. "Am I hurting you? Am I causing you to do anything you're uncomfortable with?" he asks, his voice laced with concern. "If you say yes then I swear we will stop."

"No!" Maya hurries to assure him. "I've consented each and every time this has happened between us. It's just that. . . what happens if one of us find somebody else? Somebody who wants something more than what we have? Have you ever thought about that?"

"No. Who would want a mess like me?"

"You mean aside from _me_?"

"You were there, I never had to ask. Never had to tell you anything, you just knew."

"You're not a mess Josh," Maya says.

"I'm not okay either."

Maya reaches out and catches his hand. "But you will be okay eventually."

"Will you leave if I'm not ever okay again? You might start to feel trapped, you know."

"I'm not going anywhere," Maya whispers, running her fingers through his hair and pulling him into her arms to kiss him.

He kisses her back desperately, clutching her like his life depends on it but Maya still feels like he is miles and miles away from her.

 **.**

She's epically late for her cycle and the truth of the matter is that she can't remember the last time she had her period. She flings her medicine cabinet open and pulls out the bottle of birth control. Her heart sinks when she realizes that she still has about a month's worth of a prescription left. She has been so wrapped up in keeping up with her classes and keeping Josh grounded that she has forgotten to take her morning pill and in the beginning she hadn't been taking it because she was sexually active, so it hadn't mattered if she missed a dose.

But now.

Maya doesn't know how she could be so foolish.

She gets dressed and walks to Planned Parenthood because she doesn't want to buy a home pregnancy test at the pharmacy. Especially since one of her classmates works the register there and everybody in their class will know that Maya has purchased a First Response before the results are in.

Her walk-in appointment at Planned Parenthood seems to go by in a blur and the only thing she knows is that she _is_ pregnant. She's almost four months along. She buttons up her green flannel shirt and pulls her hair up into a ponytail.

"I'm keeping the baby," Maya says before the doctor can say anything to her about options. "I know who the father is, we're sort of in a relationship. We'll work it out. I can still go to school and have a baby."

The doctor tells her to see her OB-GYN as soon as possible and gives her a fistful of prenatal vitamins samples.

Maya decides not to tell Josh right away. Even though it's been five months since his father has passed away, he is still dealing with a lot of stuff. She doesn't need to add a child to the mix even though she already sort of has without going over the options.

But she didn't need to hear them. Because she knows, she knows she could never abort or give up the little life that she and Josh have created together, she has been dreaming of starting a family with him since the first day she met him. Yes, she had wanted to do it the right way. But sometimes you don't always get what you want.

 **.**

"There's something different about you," Josh says that night as he lifts his head to look at her. "Have you put on weight?"

Maya sighs and sits up, rebuttoning her shirt and smoothing her tangled hair away from her face. She wasn't planning on telling him so soon, not without a plan, but he has come to know her body so well over the last few months, it isn't any wonder he has picked up on the changes.

"Promise not to get mad?"

Josh's face goes white as realization dawns on him. "You're having a baby, aren't you?"

"Yes," Maya whispers, her throat feels like its constricting.

"Is it mine?"

"Yes!" Maya answers defensively. "You _know_ it is! I haven't been sleeping with anyone else, you know!"

"I'm sorry," Josh says, bowing his head.

"I didn't get pregnant on purpose," Maya tells him.

"I know you didn't," Josh assures her.

Maya bites her lip. "So, what now?"

"I don't know," Josh answers. "I need some time, just give me a little bit of time."

"I'll give you all the time you need," Maya says.

He pulls his jeans back on and comes around the bed, leaning in to kiss her on the mouth. She closes her eyes and kisses him back, she feels like this will be their last time together and she wants to savor his taste, his warmth. She wants to think that he's just saying goodbye because he has to work the night shift at the diner across the street.

She watches him walk out of her room and when the door closes, she curls up into a ball and cries like her heart is breaking.

 **.**

One week passes and then another one. There is no sign of Josh, sometimes she still expects him to show up at her door and ask her to kiss him better like before. But the only people who come over are Lucas and Riley and Farkle and Smackle. She breaks the news to all of them over ice cream sundaes and a Pixar movie marathon.

Riley looks relieved. "And he knows that he's going to be a dad?"

"Yeah, of course!" Maya says.

"Then he'll be back," Riley assures her. "Trust me, he'll be back."

"I want him to come back because he loves me, not because he feels obligated to do right by me and marry me and be a family."

"I think he does love you," Lucas tells her. "Maybe he left to straighten himself out so he could do right by you."

But Maya is unconvinced because he left even though they both said they never would.

She is six days into the third week of his being gone, she is resigning herself to the fact that she'll never see him again when she turns the corner to get to her mother and Shawn's apartment. He is standing there with a bouquet of daffodils and tulips and looking contrite.

"You're here," Maya says.

"I'm here," Josh echoes.

"Did you have enough space?"

"I'm sorry I left you Maya," Josh tells her. "I just. . . I haven't been in a good place, you know that. And when you told me that you were having a baby. . . _my_ baby, I knew something had to change. So, I went home to clear my head."

"That's good," Maya says, clasping her hands together like she was praying.

"I found something out while I was away."

"Oh? And what was _that_?" Maya asks.

"I can't be away from you, like ever. And I don't know how I ever resisted you when we were younger because even then, I felt this intense. . ." Josh trails off and walks towards her, cupping her cheek with his free hand, "this intense pull to you. Like we were tethered together or something. And it only grew stronger after my father passed away. I look at you and I'm home. Oh no, you're crying! I didn't mean to make you cry!"

"It's a good thing!" Maya assures him. "I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm happy, Josh. I'm really, really happy!"

For the first time in a long time, there is a shadow of a smile on Josh's face. He brings her face closer to his and kisses her thoroughly. When he pulls away, he looks at her hopefully. "Do you think you'd want to be a real family? Just the three of us? Well, with all the Matthews actually? But mostly with me? Because I love you."

Maya smiles. "I love you too and I would love to be a part of your family."

 **.**

They were back at the scene of their first time together.

After a dozen offers, Amy finally decided she couldn't sell the family home. There are too many memories, too many good days that she just couldn't give up.

It has been a year since they buried Alan.

It's been a year since Maya first let Josh undress her and find solace in her arms. They are married now, parents. They aren't strangers to this, they know each other's bodies better than any of their past significant others do. They've been lovers for so long now.

Josh comes around the bed, making the first move because somebody has to. He pulls her sweater over her head, whispering love songs in her ear. She laughs and kisses him, tracing his lips with her tongue as she gently presses her hand on the left side of his chest before replacing it with her mouth.

He clasps her hand in his and kisses his way up her arm, her neck, her décolletage, they fall into bed together, a tangle of naked body parts.

Maya doesn't know where he ends or where she begins but she knows their story will have a happy ending and with a dozen people underneath them, they make love to each other and this time, they mean it.

 **_The End_**

 **.**

 **Author's Note II:**

 **I wrote most of this story on the drive home from vacation. We were in hours and hours of traffic on Friday in PA, so I didn't have anything else to do. I added parts when I got home because I realized that I hurdled them into a happily ever after prematurely. I hope you will tell me what you think. I get nervous when I write a story like this because it isn't something I normally do and sex out of marriage is definitely not something I know very well.**

 **I might do a follow up from Josh's POV, depending on the reception this story gets.**

 **I'll be back with another story soon!**

 **Until Next Time!**

 **Love,**

 **Holly, 10/13/2015_**


End file.
